It was the first time we’d been to Glasgow for an audition show, and it might well be the last if this outpouring of talentless clowns was anything to go by.

While Glasgow might be bereft of talent, their audiences were magnificently brutal. People might think the judges can be a bit cruel from time to time,but this lot were incredible – it was like being in some medieval bear-baiting pit.

While Scotland's audiences proved to be vicious, it was the competitors elsewhere in the country who began biting back. I particularly liked the cocky young dancer who started flicking V-signs and hurling abuse at the audience when they chanted ‘off, off, off’ at him. What a charmer. He’ll go far in showbusiness with an attitude like that.

The real beauty of this show, though, is that talent is such a subjective thing. Take Austin, the man who played amazingly sweet music on his saw. Simon hated it,obviously, because he wasn’t 19, blonde, and singing Bleeding Love. But the more I listened to him, the more I realised we were in the presence of a weird musical genius. And who’s to say that saws won’t be the violins of the next generation?

Incidentally, I noticed that Ant and Dec continued their sly digs at me, with their ‘Amanda, Simon and Piers….the good, the bad and the ugly’ taunt. I may be ugly, boys, but at least I don’t need a stepladder to reach the milk shelf in supermarkets!

As for Faryl Smith, what can I say? A star was born on show five, definitely. I have never heard a twelve year-old girl sing with a voice so mature. I can see her possibly going up against Andrew Johnston in the eight-act finale – what a play-off that would be!

Ps As I write this I’ve just arrived in Las Vegas,where I am filming America’s Got Talent all week. Simon’s flying out to join us from Los Angeles, so prepare to read that the pair of us have been arrested in Sin City. If that happens, Amanda will have to judge the semi-finals on her own... that's if Kleenex have enough tissues for her!